I made 3,300 people guess my psychiatric diagnosis before I knew it myself.

A coupla months ago I posted a story asking my followers (fans) to vote on what they thought the outcome of my upcoming neurodivergence assessment would be.

ADHD? Autism? Both? Neither?

Overwhelmingly: both.

I ran the same poll again right after the assessment. Same result. 

(Also, I know how the algo works, it's more like 150 of you actually saw each story and maybe 30 people voted. But 3,300 is better clickbait and isn't technically a lie xoxo)

It was only afterwards that I learned gathering outside opinions before trusting my own read on something is, apparently, a known neurodivergent pattern literally called “polling”.

So in the process of seeking a diagnosis, I accidentally gave you a live demonstration of one of the traits. Efficient of me tbh.

ANYWAY. The results are in (by an actual real-life doctor.)

The PROFESH poll

I have ADHD, combined presentation - which is the term for inattentive (attention deficit) AND hyperactive #overachiever

I also have some autistic traits - just not enough to reach a diagnostic level. 

Why I went looking 

It took me six months of thinking about possible neurodivergence to book the appointment. And right up until the assessment, I had full imposter-syndrome spirals about whether I was being dramatic, or attention-seeking, or just desperate for a title to explain the parts of myself I get frustrated by.

Turns out that's extremely common, even for people whose challenges are far more severe than mine. 

As for “why now”, joining the seeming hordes of women in their late 30’s and beyond getting diagnosed, I think it's being in business. The busier I get, the more plates spinning, the harder it's become to mask, create workarounds, and white-knuckle my way through.

There's also a solid chance perimenopause is starting to crash the party, which can crank ADHD symptoms up several notches just for shits, gigs, and funsies.

And there's a family thread - my sister was diagnosed with ADHD this year as well, and suspected and diagnosed neurodivergence runs through my family more broadly. 

Then there’s my chosen family. Most of the people I vibrate alongside the most have ADHD, autism, both, or… they should probs get assessed themselves because, like, yah.

Spicy c*nts of a feather, amiright,

The traits, in brief

Starting big projects or tasks is often veeery difficult. I will do five smaller, unimportant, completely unrelated tasks instead, because finishing something - a n y t h i n g - gives my brain the dopamine hit it's chasing.

I perform brilliantly under a hard deadline and basically not at all without one. (My final assessment to become a Perth wedding celebrant was finished at 1am and delivered flawlessly a few hours later. This is not an isolated incident - this is a lifestyle 💪)

Needless to say I procrastinate even more than I masturbate (who do you think The Rabbit was inspired by?? The Bunney, obvi.)

New interests hit me baby one more time, and can take a long walk off a short cliff the second the novelty wears off.

And my big, beautiful brain be BUSY, yo 🤯

Constantly running through every single moment of my past, present and future. Whether it’s a memory or an anxious prediction or just trying to remember everything I need to remember or just trying to remember everything I need to remember or just trying to remember everything I need to remember or-

They’re the main traits, and there’s plenty more where that came from. But that's for a future Backchat.

How the diagnosis felt

Going in, I was quite neutral. Imposter spirals aside, I wouldn't have been surprised by any outcome: both, one, neither. I was leaning ADHD-only at that point, and that's exactly what I got #psychotic 🔮

The assessment was just a one hour video call after completing four questionnaires online, and some people who know me completed one too. After asking heaps of questions based on my questionnaire answers, the psychiatrist told me I didn't have autism and then just started talking about medication.

I was like "Sorry, hang on, so do I have ADHD then?" It felt like we'd both silently agreed on it before I'd even logged on and he was waiting for me to catch up. I had the e-script before the call had even ended.

So no big emotional moment, more of a shrug. A "Yerp, makes sense."

The validation crept in over the next couple of weeks though. Everything I'd already listed as traits and challenges and examples were then "So that is what that was", and a few things I hadn't even thought to write down started landing too.

Where I'm at now

I’m just over two weeks into stimulants.

Week one: felt basically nothing. Then a few days of feeling flat, low, irritable - apparently normal while your body recalibrates. I'm feeling better now though. But I'll be asking to bump my dose (not, like, bump my dose ifyounomsayin'...) at the next opportunity, because I don't think I'm quite there with the focus yet.

Coincidentally I’m also a few months into fixing some gut issues that, turns out, have a two-way relationship with neurodivergence symptoms. Healthier gut, calmer brain, and vice versa.

SCIENCE, BITCH 👊

So there you go, A(DHD)shlee has officially entered the chat #neurodiva #spicegirl

And not one (1) single person whomst I’ve told has so much as blinked a brown eye 👁️

If you're already diagnosed - how'd you find the process? Relief, grief, vindication, all of the above?

And if you suspect you might be neurodivergent but haven't booked anything yet - what's stopping you? Asking for a friend.

The friend is me, six months ago.

Lemme know in the comments 👇